Monday, January 24, 2005

The Sex-o-matic Christmas Gift

For Christmas this year
I was hoping for
A Wilkinson’s Sword Sex-o-matic razor
The world’s first 6 blade razor
With 5 conditioning strips
Giving 4-way directional shave-a-bility
(For everyone’s face is different, unique)
A choice of 3 ergonomic handles
(To give just the right grip for me,
For my hands are different, special, unique)
A choice of 2 colours – macho-maroon
and oh-so-sensitive silver
And a super special offer – a CD
Of sounds to shave to;
A jet plane in quadraphonic detail flying past
A waterfall, with exotic humming bird and elk sounds
A woman’s voice, low and sexy,
Purring in the next room
(Hurry up, big boy!)
And a chill-out track assembled from
The best of Portishead, Moby and Nirvana out takes.

I can’t tell you
How I was looking forward
To unwrapping my Wilkinson’s Sword Sex-o-matic
The world’s first six blade razor
From its special Christmas presentation pack

But alas, I was unlucky
Receiving only books and CDs
And a collection of Argentinean Gold Artefacts
Neatly wrapped in heavy brown calico
With a whiff of diesel oil

Maybe for my birthday in October?
Or, by then, the new Sept-o-matic 7-blader
Might be available
Now that will be a present to remember


Stan said...

I agree. Don't buy me books or CDs. I would much rather get my own. Buy me something fun, a real THING that I would never buy myself.

Amie said...

Men like toys and gadgets for gifts.

Syl said...

buy and enjoy it, there's no need for occasion..
feel it's snuggness, abrasion.
life is short, we need these self-gifts...
to help us step over the days unsolved riffs
and should you question your deserving of such...
remember the "shadow" is nae fun to touch.

Roger Stevens said...

I think there's a woman's version. It's a twenty-seven blader.