Monday, April 25, 2005

Escape Plan and Introducing Dad

Been away from the computer for a while but looking forward to visiting a few blogs and catching up. Work’s more or less up to date and so I’m thinking about a new writing project. Not sure what it will be yet. This week I hope to finish the Live at Staplecrust CD. Mind you, I’ve said that before.
Visited a couple of primary schools last week. One – a school in a run-down part of London – was excellent, lots of enthusiasm from teachers and kids, dynamic, if slightly laid-back, head – had a great time – the other, in a smart area of London, well-dressed, well-monied kids – not so good. Badly organised, ineffective teachers, head with limp handshake… just goes to show.
Another little train incident (see earlier blogs). Got the train from Charing Cross. It forgot to stop at Waterloo. Great consternation from passengers waiting to get off. Especially when the guard said the next stop would be High Brooms – around 50 minutes away. The collective gasp in the carriage was something to behold. But then they managed to arrange with the signalman to stop at London Bridge, a few minutes away. Just forgot…
A couple more children’s poems then, before I return to the more adult (or are they?) poems.

Escape Plan

As I, Stegosaurus
stand motionless
in the museum
I am secretly planning
my escape.

At noon
Tyrannosaurus Rex
will cause a diversion
by wheeling around the museum’s high ceilings
and diving at the curators and museum staff
while I
quietly slip out of the fire exit
and melt
into the London crowds

Introducing Dad

If I may, Miss
I’d like to introduce my Dad
Mum left us last year
And that made him really sad
He told me you were pretty
And his favourite colour’s beige
And it isn’t that uncommon
To date women half your age
And we all know that he’s bald
Beneath that funny flick of hair
You just have to humour him
And pretend his hair’s all there
His feet smell a bit funny
And his brain’s a trifle slow
And you haven’t got a boyfriend, Miss
So… could you please give Dad a go?

For more info click on
The Monster That Ate the Universe


Jaded said...

I love these poems! I'm going to read the Escape one to my Head Start kids.

Jaded said...

I love these poems! I'm going to read the Escape one to my Head Start kids.

Cocaine Jesus said...

Does Jaded have a blogging speah impediment or is that a double comment?
Tweezil, my thirteen year old recently got a copy of your 'Goldfish' book. Keeps leaping into the kitchen or lounge or wherever we are to read bits fron it. Last night was the one about the Alien dad with the blue tail.
'Course I keep telling her that you and I are best mates and that we went to school together.
I don't think she believes me!!

michael said...

I double love these poems twice. They are triple trebly trobbly nice!
Archie just came home all mud spattered and said his best friend had accidentally kicked a puddle and he got in the way. kids eh?
I hate travelling by train as something always goes wrong. Poor Hazel gets stuck in Manchester all the time and gets home at 7p.m. sometimes. Blinkin' blogging railways. I came back from london once and instead of the train stopping at Hartford ( on the Crewe to Liverpool line) like it was supposed to it shot straight through and I had to get off at Runcorn and get the train back thus adding an hour to my journey. No apolygoggies, nothing!

Sue hardy-Dawson said...

I have a four year old niece who thinks when her head is covered, she's invisible, I was worried she was getting a bit old for that sort of thing, how old is your Stegosaurus? Should I worry Desperation may lead me to embarras a few teachers this week.

transience said...

great poems, i agree. brings me back to the time when i was in kindergarten. that was a happy time.

Manish Bhatt said...

So did he get away, the Steg? Did he disappear into the crowd? Do we know him by another name? Is he famous now? And the T-Rex. What about him?

Real cool stuff! Bravo bravo!

Roger Stevens said...

Yeah. Steg got away with it.

Who'd have thought it? He's now living the life of an insurance salesperson in Clapham.

Manish Bhatt said...

An insurance salesperson? Who would have imagined! I reckoned he would turn into a mafia henchman, or maybe a rapper. Guess Steg wants a private life, away from them staring eyes. All those years at the museum, people pointing at him and whispering to each other, making him feel like a freak on display, that must've done it.

PS: Best PF album? The Wall. Best all-time album even. But how did you guess?

Cocaine Jesus said...

Weird track number One.

Revolution 9 by The Beatles.

Well, less The Fabs and more Ono, Lennon and Starr (Ringo? Really?).From the brilliant double/white album of course. This is still one holy odd ball of a track and I love it too bits.

Cocaine Jesus said...

I was always getting in the way of puddles. They kept leaping out at me just after me Mum had shoehorned me into me best gear.

anthony said...

really nice entry! this is a great poem, i liked your other entries as well... ei, pass by my site sometime.., ciao!

Russell Ragsdale said...

I agree about the kid's poems question. This business of being an adult can be highly overated!

Amie said...

i love your poems, and so is my oldest nephew who now keeps visiting your blogsite, also gave your other site. he's enjoying it a lot. it all started when i showed him your books. :)

Cocaine Jesus said...

The wonderous collages as displayed on you obscure site. Love 'em.
Ivor Cutler eh? Good old John Peel, bless 'im, used to play him a lot. I liked the sound but never got round to buying any CD's. have to set about changing that.

Roger Stevens said...

Thanks for the comments everyone.

Hey Amie, I hope he's going to write some poems of his own!

And CJ - you've just answered a question on my site that you asked and was partly answered on Michael's. Confusing or what?

And everyone's saying - Ivor cutler? Where did he appear from?

The fun of the blog, eh?

jadedprimadonna said...

You know, I took a children's lit class a few semester's ago, and the things that we read would have been excellent for many of the adults I know. So, I agree - I'm not sure the children/adults thing is a true literature dichotomy.

Love the poems!

african oracle said...

Bravo - your poetry is gr8
I laughed at the train incident not stopping at Waterloo - does that happen often ?

tinkay said...

great... i haven't read a really smart poem in a long time. thanks for sharing.

Syl said...

Ms Gibbertygoop must confess
as a child she tried no less
than to claim ten dads...
who was to know?
Til the school marm addressed her,
A Fireman, a Candymaker,
Keeper of the zoo? Oh
naughty girl, to the corner
you go!
Home again, and Dad soon there,
Ms Gibbertygoop all in dispair...
but Dad just winked, just
before he appeared
As Robinhood, arrow in tow.

Syl said...

Roger, how your poems bring smiles.

Cocaine Jesus said...

OOOpppps. Sorry.
(where'd I put them damn pills?)

nic said...

I especially love the Introducing Dad poem....
Also it reminded me of Andrew Fusek Peters poetry in "Sadderday and Funday".

Liam Wilkinson said...

I love these poems. Thanks for posting them for our enjoyment! I've written a few kids poems myself, may even put them on my blog if I can find them.

I'd have been quite contented on that train - any amount of time on a train is good for me. I do most of my thinking on them. Not to mention the amount of MP3s I get through on trains. They're very fast utopias.

Anonymous Poet said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous Poet said...

Roger, per your question about the "Anonymous" name. Actually, I am the Stegosaurus. I have decided to take up poetry. But I am trying to keep a low profile. You understand, I'm sure.

Anonymous Poet said...


Thanks so much for posting these. They make me smile very wide! "Escape Plan" reminds me of a Gary Larson "Far Side" comic strip. Subtle, yet wickedly funny. Enjoyable by the very young and very old alike.

I suppose we have all met someone like "Dad" at some point. Some us might even become one, whether we are aware that it happens or not.

You have a simple whimsy about you. Keep it coming! I find your work to be refreshing, especially as compared to the often dense, obscure writings which are commonly considered today to be "good" or "modern."

Also, I think it is wonderful that you have been able to get these published in a volume.
Take care, and thanks!