(For Liz Brownlee)
Who do you think I am?
The Fount of all Knowledge?
The Fountain of Wisdom?
The Tap of General Information?
The Well of Understanding?
The Stop-Cock of Interminable Trivia?
The Spigot of Specific Information?
Who do you think I am, anyway?
The Spume of Curious Coincidences?
The Spring of Eternal Hope?
The Geyser of Self-Consciousness?
The Waterfall of Disappointment?
The Gutter of Good Intentions?
The Hydrant of Poetic Gentrification?
Who the hell do you think I am?
The Faucet of Unreliable Narrative?
The Hose of Sesquipedalian Verbosities?
The Storm Drain of Gushing Sentiment?
The Standpipe of Cloying Sediment?
The Spout of Poetic Declamations?
The Drainpipe of Dithering Ineptitude?