You’ll Be Here

When the ice is as thick

as an ice-maiden’s shtick

and the sky is as grey

as Sam Beckett’s lost playand
the wind is as keen

as a miser is mean

and the winter’s as deep

as philosopher’s sleep,

you’ll be here for the ride

with a smile as wide and as warm

as a schoolgirls’ dorm

with a cuddle as close

as warm, buttered toast,

with a laugh as out loud

as a sky without cloud,

with a love as intense

as the sky is immense:

you’ll be here by my side

The Worst Christmas

The worst Christmas

Was when Mum was in hospital

And Dad, bless him,

Made a right pig’s ear

Of the Christmas turkey.

On Christmas Eve he dressed up as Santa

Red coat, big bushy beard -

And Mum dressed up as a reindeer

Big antlers, red nose -

And it was all going so well

I was pretending to be asleep

As Dad crept in, when

Shriek!

Clatter clatter clatter

Thump!

Mum fell off the roof.

All We Do at Christmas

All we do at Christmas

Is sit and watch TV

Mum and Dad and Sis and Gran

And Grandpapa and me

My best mate Bill, and all his lot

Play Christmas games and cards

Have quizzes and win prizes

Dress up and play charades

And Jenny’s family go to church

They’re Christians and they believe

She stays up late and goes to church

At midnight, Christmas Eve

And Jason, who’s a Muslim

And Margie, who’s a Jew

Still think about what Christmas means

But take a wider view

But we don’t do much thinking

We just sit and watch TV

There’s Mum and Dad and Sis and Gran

And Grandpapa and me

Seven Stars

Seven stars are shining
As the sun falls from the sky
Six rooks dance their goodnight dance
And wish the day goodbye

Five bats skim the castle walls
Waiting for the bell
For soon the moon will break the news
It’s waited long to tell

Four owls leave the tower tall
Hungry to spread the word
To wit, to woo a mouse or two
In case you haven’t heard

Three horses in the courtyard
Beneath the flickering light
Two men exchange quiet glances
And ride into the night

And deep within the castle
In the centre of the keep
One maiden lies alone, alone
And tries to get to sleep

No Star Hotel

Never stay at the Heartbreak Hotel
Try the Travel Inn on the corner
If you stay at the Inn of Loneliness
Both the staff and the guests will ignore yah
For a weekend break that’s a bad mistake
Don’t say I didn’t warn yah
You’ll be so lonely you will cry

Likewise the Hotel California

Night Rainbow

Look at the colour
Of the colour
Of the colour

You said, in middle of the night

And woke up
And stumbled to the bathroom

Woken
By a rainbow

Uncle John and Auntie Clare

Uncle John
Is big and red and very, very loud
He argues with Mum a lot
About who should be running the country
He sells cars
He drove us at 100mph once

Auntie Clare
Is nervous
She sips tea like a hamster
And she says,
That’s enough, John!
And then Uncle John
Is very, very
Quiet